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Category:Computer Jokes - Author:- Contributor:
Tech Support
Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged). The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal article:

    1.Compaq is considering changing thecommand "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood ofcalls asking where the "Any" key is.

    2.AST technical support had a callercomplaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turnedout to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

    3.Another Compaq technician receiveda call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from hisold diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem,it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into thetypewriter to type the labels.

    4.Another AST customer was asked tosend a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from thecustomer along with photocopies of the floppies.

    5.A Dell technician advised hiscustomer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customerasked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossingthe room to close the door to his room.

    6.Another Dell customer called tosay he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting,the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it infront of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

    7.Yet another Dell customer calledto complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tubwith soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys andwashing them individually.

    8.A Dell technician received a callfrom a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and aninvalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and"invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

    9.A confused caller to IBM washaving troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it"couldn't find printer". The user had also tried turning the computer screen toface the printer - but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

    10.An exasperated caller to DellComputer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring thecomputer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the powerbutton. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothinghappens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

    11.Another customer called Compaqtech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't  work. She said she unpacked theunit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. Whenasked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What powerswitch?"

    12.True story from a Novell NetWireSysOp:

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it   have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

    13.Another IBM customer had troublesinstalling software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK.It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said toput in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that"Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

    14.In a similar incident, a customerhad followed the instructions for installing software. The instructions said to remove thedisk from it's cover and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the casingof the disk and wondered why there were problems.

    As Ripley would say, believe it ornot!

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